so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
