either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
