Swine flu is the new snow day.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
