she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
