i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
