If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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