I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
