I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
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