I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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