The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
