i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
