Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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