how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
