i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
