it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
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