Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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