I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
where does the pee come out of this thing
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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