I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
