I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
