It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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