Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
