Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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