I didn't shave. On purpose
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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