I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
...so i touched it.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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