I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Randomize
