Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
