What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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