you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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