Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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