I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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