Your favorite bartender is back from prision
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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