I hate all girls vehemently.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
