Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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