True but thats because hes a fetus.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
