He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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