Buhtt sex?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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