Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
