just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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