if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
