Will you blow on my dice?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
