so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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