apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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