he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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