the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
