apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
