i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
