i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
