Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
