He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
