someone threw a dead crab at me
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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