Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
3 2 1 whiskey
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
