K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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